Curmudgeonalia
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June 21, 2010

The Bible of Unspeakable Truths

Greg Gutfeld - 9780466552301

Gutfeld is rumored to be the funniest person on TV, but I'm never up late enough to see if I agree. So I bought the book as a personal adventure; to enjoy it, and see if I agree. I never watch political sarcasm or comedy on TV, so perhaps I'm not equipped to render an honest appraisal, but I have an opinion anyway.

If this guy IS the funniest guy on TV, heaven help us all. He is better than a "rubber crutch," or a "pooh-pooh" cushion, but not by much.

To be sure, he comes up with some wickedly funny one liners, and here and there he incorporates some wisdom along with his (brand of) humor, but some of his subject matter is beyond risqué, with some of it approaching offensive . . . (Gutfeld? Maybe there is a connection?) I've skipped comment on the off-color parts of the tome, but I offer:

• "President Obama doesn't think America needs a little fixing to get back on the right track. He thinks America has never been on the right track. His actions therefore are meant to correct a country he finds distasteful on many levels, permanently." Now, that's neither unwise nor incorrect, to be sure, but funny?

• [It's Mexican national policy to] "Help its citizens leave the place. . . . How bad must a country be when even the government acknowledges that busing tables in a Trenton truck stop is better than staying home?" Again, not inaccurate, but maybe I'm missing context.

• Or, God speaking to Muslim fanatics: "Sorry, guys, you're not getting seventy-two virgins. Instead it's seventy-two nights with Rosie O'Donnell." That'd be fair, and I'd like to be around when one of those fascist homicide bombers came face to face with that reality, but funny? Maybe so, actually.

• [ Hollywood celebrities] "Fear they are seen as intellectually vacuous and lacking in relevance. And they realize the quickest way to overcome this is to bash America, simply because it conveys a pseudointellectual vibe learned from greasy academics. To Europeans, being patriotic is a sign of idiocy, so to trick them into thinking you're smart, just insult your country. Sadly, for the most part it works." Hard to disagree, but harder to chuckle.

• [Being open minded means] "Allowing yourself to consider all options, [which means] you have no claim to the truth. Every avenue is equal, all thoughts relative, and therefore there can be no definitive judgment, even from a judge. . . . That's why being narrow-minded should be championed, saluted, revered. . . . [it means] you are operating with a backbone . . . you know the difference between right and wrong, and you aren't afraid to limit your options to the right one."

• "Deepak is no different from any other television evangelical huckster, but he gets a pass because he leans on the multicultural card. The same people who derided Jimmy Swaggart or even Billy Graham listen reverently to Chopra's pointless, useless and ultimately idiotic opinions. . . . [except that] Chopra likes to wear tacky robes."

• "'Addiction' is the most overused word in our language. . . . [It is] the only so-called 'affliction' where the actual 'disease' can be removed from your presence without surgery. You just throw the laptop out the window. This also works with cocaine, booze, tropical fish and opinionated authors."

You aren't laughing? Neither am I. Save $25, or purchase something else. This website alone offers over 250 book reviews, all but a few of which are a better use of your time and money.

Posted by Curmudgeon at June 21, 2010 1:11 PM